Present Value

How long have I walked in what I believe my own direction? Maybe lost but don't realise that I am. Until when will it be like this? Being in the grey area, looking like I'm totally into You while in reality I'm not pretty different with plenty others who aren't so afraid of drowning themselves into their brave actions. Part of me still hoping that I'm not one of them. But the rest won't believe what You can do to me through all this time. Don't ask me the proportions, the good doer can't make me do what I have to. On the other hand, I'm not really sure I'm that bad that every time I think I'm falling deeper to the lowest, I still hope for that little light. What then will be the milestone?

I think back of everything I got without asking and everything I asked but didn't get. What's the point of that? And now I think of the opportunities and find some funny links of the future and the past, will You let me this time? Maybe, and most likely, it won't really change anything until it finally happens, that I'll have a real proof that really happens to me that You are really what people always tell me about. If not, I don't know, maybe I will think that You're just playing with me, wanting me not to give up on You and at the end, being disappointed again as You might not find what You're looking for from me. And I'll be left with a question. What now? I know its uncertain, as it always is, but You let this happened to me. You let me think of it, You let me hope for it, and You give the opportunity for me. To success and to fail. I've learned enough of the second one, and that's what shaped me as I am today. And that's, I can say, coming all from You.

I don't wanna let myself expecting again, this is not what this piece of words that aren't even beautiful to read is about. This is also not a threat, for I know You will absolutely read this. I'm just not sure what else You want me to experience now, as if I don't have other things to do and think about. I'm so sick of yesterdays, and I don't like to be so clueless of tomorrows. I'm good living in the present and I think next time, don't bother giving sweet words that aim to soothe. But thanks for the opportunity, for I still have the possibility to success.

"Money is more valuable today than tomorrow, because there is uncertainty in the future."
Even corporate finance and microeconomics know that.