when your dream meets the obstacle

so heres the problem. i really want to study overseas for college. so bad. australia. (or canada, would be nice to go back to the place you born in). my parents atm do not believe that i can stand on my own in the middle of nowhere, far away from home. so they gave me a condition that i have to get good scores. like, i have to prove them that i, academically, am able to be an international student. maaan, i did it and still am doing it now. i feel how my scores increase and for the sake of going out of this country, (to give something to Indonesia once i got back- thats one of the reasons, not the main reason though. lol), and i know its a good thing. they knew, everybody knew that i dont like my school now (you dont know how hard for me to write, my school. ugh), and i have to struggle with my last year, for getting good scores and stuff so that my parents will let me go.

i thought thats enough. not that hard to be more diligent when you used to be that kind of person. but i was wrong! totally wrong!

so when i told them my scores are getting better in all subjects, they gave me another condition. and its much harder, and more painful. they said i have very bad behaviours. i fought with my sister a lot, i showed no cares to my siblings, i hardly obey their rules, in short, i am the worst child they got. you know how i feel now...

i was very sad when i heard that, i tried to say something, to defence my self but i knew it wont bring me any good. so i just listened. now i havent fought with my sister again, being carer to my siblings, and i still dont know why they still think that i am bad. dad said i cant make friends with anyone, i chose who i wanna be with, in a bad way. like, i only want to be friends with people who have high social status or stuff. i was surprised, reallllyyyy surprised! how could he say that, he doesnt even know my friends. my mum was on my side, telling him that i got so many friends from my trip to japan, means that i can easily be friends with anyone. and he, kept saying that thats because i was from indonesia and it was an exchange program, i had to make friends with them. would be different if im goin by my self, having no one to take care of me but myself.
this makes me even sadder, he believes that i cant make friends with everyone from every social status. ohmy, what does he think i am? an anti social? a snobbish? i dont have a perfect look and i dont even earn money myself, how come im a snobbish?
and mum said i have to prove that he is wrong this time. i can make friends with everyone. i have so many friends and im proud of it. theres no way of me being a snobbish. no way.

and also, they thought i dont know anything about Indonesia and Islam. and they worry that i would be out of control, doing things i shouldnt do and stuff. and i was like helloooo, do you know your nationality will increase when you are not in youre country and you meet people that have no idea about it and youre the only one can give a good understanding of that? and what do you think i will do? going to pub everynight? having sex with all people i met? oh cmon! i told them i wouldnt be the only indonesian student there. and they said "thats why!" and i was like "thats why what?", thay didnt explain. poor me....

and so far, those are the obstacles ive got. seems like they will keep giving me requirements. oh well, is there any chance for me to reach my goal? i know its not only about the lots-of-money they should pay for making my dream comes true, the permission. hell yeah that last one is the most important thing. but oh well, im begging them to let me go, i cant believe this.

now im wondering am i ready for that? i would only be 17 when they finally let me go. am i ready to live in a place ive never been before, doing stuff i havent done before, meeting people i havent met before?
but i still wanna go. :|
Good Lord please help me. show me the best for me and for my family
if going overseas is the best for me, please make it easier
if stay here is the best, please let me be happy of that

um, okay, nite people lol


Fandhy Belkaoui said...

keep praying achlam... :D
i know you can, you have to work it out!!!
do the best as much as you can...
hopefully your dreams can come true :D

achlambasalamah said...

haha yeah i will. thanks anyways fandhy :D

good luck on your own mission too!