F for Friends

It's nearly the end of holidays and by the end of this month, many friends of mine are leaving town. It's sad not only because I will have to wake up early in the morning because I'll soon have my new activities as a college student, but also to know that my friends ask me out 'for the last time before things changed' they said. I haven't given my answer yet because actually, I don't have anyone in the first place to go with.

It really makes me think of what kind of friend I am. I'd rather be friends with everyone from every group of friends than to stick in a clique like other chicks might do. I can say I'm a friend of these popular-and-stylish-who-get-along-with-the-boys-easily kind of girls, with those-who-always-know-the-most-updated-things kind of group, and with those who are simply good to talk to and have the same interests with me.

I remember one good afternoon in Tidung, I was cycling around with Melly (the local kid) and Mita (Gita's sister). We passed by a group of kids and Melly waved her hand to them, so I asked if they were her friends. She said, "Yes they are, but not my best friends. I only have one best friend. You?". I was like saying childishly that I have lots, just to sound funny, and failed I know. Then Mita said "really?", as if she really wanted to know. I just laughed. I knew that I thought I have lots of best friends. I trust people easily, it's not hard for me to say that I have more than one best friend, not sure they would think the same though.

Anyway, best friends or friends isn't important for me. Best friend is just a status, isn't it? I don't like to talk to someone in details about what I feel, like most people do to their best friends. I remember few years ago I went home crying. I went straight to my room and locked it and didn't talk to anyone. I heard dad asked mum to ask what's wrong with me. I knew everyone was really worried about me. Mum told me the next days that she was worried if I got raped or something. But that was it, I had problems and I kept it for myself till it's gone. Until today, she still doesn't know what happened. And another day when I've already met Yasmin, we've been best friends and she always told me what's bothering her mind. I liked it to be a listener, but she caught something in my eyes that I also had problems, only I never told. She kind of forced me to share and I didn't know, it was just really hard. It ended up I stared at her blankly and said, some people just can't always tell what's happening. And from the times we've been friends, she told me she could conclude that I am an extrovert who is introvert. Interesting? Hm.

But I've learned. Now I'm afraid that I've learned too much that I can't stop talking. But I know myself, I still can't talk about what exactly I feel. The thought of 'even if I told you, it wouldn't help' and 'that's what you call problem?' are always coming right before I could speak. So, by now my best friends are those who are smart and funny who can teach me something and can laugh with me and whom I spend my time the most with.

On to the topic, I'm confused. Weekends are for family while one friend has already started her college life and can only be home at weekend. Other friend had planned to go out of town at wednesday while other friends who had planned to go watch movie from last month and I had cancelled twice because I went out with other friends to watch badminton and I went to other friends' farewell parties had arranged a new plan, I really have no idea now. Help?