I am scared with what's happening

"They were busy doing something with the laptop. She was sitting right in front of me, I didn't know what she was doing but she stayed in silence. And the other girl who sat next to me was busy with her phone. I had nothing to do. I asked for a pencil and a paper and once they gave me what I needed, I started to write. I just wrote what was in my mind with a special font I learned when I was in primary school. I actually didn't know why I did that, it just turned out spontaneously. "Poetic." I could hear the girl next to me said that and I could tell that she was impressed and she wanted to keep that. It's just, they didn't know it was Lily's"

Ah, I can't keep this for myself only. Ha sounds pretty pathetic that it sounds like this is a super big and serious secret or something but it's not really. Anyways....

I am supposed to do my essays right now and anytime I got the time because the deadline won't wait, but instead, I lay down here in front of this old fashioned laptop and do the fingerdance again on the keyboard, visit some stupid sites and do stalk a bit and it's creepy. I mean, I'm not sending blackmail or something that is literally creepy, but, isn't it weird to try to find out information about someone that is still being anonymous to you but you really would love to know more about them?

Moreover, I don't know why today it seemed like I couldn't stop talking. The last time I did was on the way home from watching badminton, which I was pretty sure that it was the caffeine's effect. Now I can't blame the caffeine anymore because I haven't been in touch with it since like ages (what's with my words?). But this is what makes me thinking (as if I don't have any other things to think about..), back in the badminton games, I was with my friends. Like, I've known them for long and we've been hanging out together and it was just another great moment we spent. But today, I was with people whom I've only known for 2 days. And I couldn't stop talking. And I wanted to create some kind of new ''reputation'' that I wanted to impress them by being a shy and quiet gal (yeah). And I failed. At the very first moment. And it's just too early to start everything. And they seem don't give a shit. Because they have failed too (ha). Maybe we simply are not the people we expect ourselves to be (can you feel my wise side here?). And there's too many ands and I don't know how to stop. And it's 12 am and I don't feel like sleeping because there are too MANY things in my mind. Seriously, should I take another pill to sleep? I sound so desperate..

P.S : Would 'they' notice the first paragraph?

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