Checkmate. Well I was sure that I didn't want to be friends with anyone, and it worked for the last two days. It would work longer if, someone didn't read my super soppy blog post and texted me. But I'm glad she did.
It started out when she welcomed me to the cruel life of a shitty place, and it ended up I burst out almost everything to her. I'm ashamed to admit it, but yes, she was totally right. And what I like is that she told me as a friend (not like teaching or commanding me), and she didn't judge. I don't need any judgments because that would make me think that you think you're better than me while in fact we're all the same. But yea, I said I shouldn't tell people due to some specific reasons, she said I should because that's how I would learn. And even though I was a bit upset and let's say, fragile at the beginning, it turned out I was amazed and surprised and glad that someone cares. Well at least I think she does, and that makes me feel better. Much better.
This is the third day of November, yet I've learned so many things. I regret things I shouldn't do, but realise that I can't turn back time and change them. So I'll just bear with it, that if I didn't do that, maybe two or twenty years from now I'd do the same things without knowing what's good and what's bad. I'm liking the idea that I might look so bad in ones' eyes but at the same time, I might mean the world for some others. Err not to sound exaggerating, but at least when I thought I was totally lost in a very dark place and no one was able to be there with me, I did not expect them to show me the way out though, just needed their presences there, someone came up with a light. Thanks very much.
So now because I'm feeling much better, I don't need to pretend that I'm okay anymore, because I really am. I don't need to pull myself out of the crowd if it's not necessary, and I don't need to lock myself in my room anymore. All because of a simple text message from a friend (do you still wanna be friends with me? have you found out the answer yet? lol). You may not know how meaningful your action was, but because every action causes reaction, this is how I react and I'm totally surprised with how I feel now. Thank you very very very very very very much, (you want me to publish your name here? let me know).
P.S: I wish you never talk about this again when we finally meet again. lol