A Honey Bee

"You're still young, that's your fault, there's so much you have to know."

"Slow down you crazy child! You're so ambitious for a juvenile."

"You've got so much to do when only so many hours in a day."

Its 2012 already, and actually I never mean to make the start of this first post of this year sounds this corny. But I can't help myself to write this. I, no matter how hard it is for me to try to deny it, give a shit to things I've done that create others' opinions towards me. I mean, I never had that much time for thinking of things like this, not that I'm too busy as I might look, but because there seems to be no point of me wasting the time I could waste for other things for thinking of things like this. Well the point is, I just realised that I've been too busy chasing my own dreams and people think its not good for me. And I started to be scared.

Remembering of what happened in 2011, I didn't have enough time for people (or I can say, I didn't give enough time for people). I let myself come and go, as I'd likely be just happy with that, but I didn't think that it might be bad for me. I'm involved in a bunch of activities, I've met so many people with different personalities, but I don't think I've let my heart go to one of them yet. I try to find other places just to find out which place I suit the most, and just like a honey bee I move and move and get busy. Even sometime at one of my plainest times, I wonder why they want to give all times of their lives for one particular circumstance. I felt blessed to have a life in many places, but now, feels like the first ever, I wonder if I could challenge myself to be like others. I mean, yea.

Also, it may not feel right for me to say this because this writing probably isn't going to be read by the right person, I can't help feeling guilty to be such a bitch even to myself. I let things (and people) fall while I shouldn't. If I was to defend I could just say that I didn't know my lack of ability to prioritise things would bring me to this kind of situation where its very complicated even to see where the end of the wool is. Even right now while I'm supposed to study, I'm here (I know right it sounds awesome that I'm that smart arse who studies a lot). But what I'm trying to say is, I never mean to be like this. I never know what will happen to me, and I'd love to say that I love being like a honey bee. I do things I feel like I'm meant to do. I go wherever I feel like going, flying around to find flowery places. I'm busily happy with that, and people probably don't like my existence and wish that I'd just go away. Oh, don't forget, I sting.

But its 2012 already! I'm looking forward to the end of this year to reminisce again, because yes, I'm one of those who read books from the last page to avoid surprises. My only resolution for this year is to be a better bitch, better than other bitches, in a good way (like its possible). So far the best quote I like is 'no hard feelings', for everything I did, for everything I'd do, for things I intended, for things I'd not.

Ok, that's enough for my precious 30mins I'd regret tomorrow morning.