Mood swing

I was in a really good mood today, for finals are finally done, and I think I did okay. And it was snowing again and I was feeling so good and I went to have lunch together with a friend who was leaving at night. And after lunch, I spent the time with her, she came to my room and we did some stupid stuff together, and we didn't realise how time flies and it was time for the last dinner together. We had a real great time during dinner and of course, time flew again and it came time for her to leave. It was so sad. I cried (yeah sure) and so did everyone else, and she was gone. Just like that.

Anyway, what surprised me the most was my feeling after she left. I felt so lost, not exaggerating here, because I have to admit that I really like her, despite everything. She's in fact one of a few people that I talked to the most. She has similar tastes with me in almost everything. And I like her for when I don't get what everyone's talking about, or I'm not interested to it, she's with me. So after she left, and I know it will probably take long enough before I can see her again, if that would ever happen, I feel alone. Like I don't feel safe because I know I can't really pretend to be into something and I won't have her to tell that I don't give a shit, in a non-confrontational way of course. And I feel afraid, for even when that time comes that I can finally meet her again, everything might not be the same. And this all really got into me.

And after that I tried to spend more time with another close friend who's gonna leave tonight, and I feel better. I won't be surprised to feel the same feeling again tomorrow. Probably I'm gonna cry harder because this friend is a really close one. Or probably not at all, for I know already how it feels and I know things are going to be okay. But I don't know, I feel bad now, for thinking that if I feel really sad for being left, which makes me wonder how it'd feel when I'm the one who leave, anyway, it is because I don't feel safe and I don't feel it's the same anymore. I feel bad for not being sure, since I probably feel this because of some egocentric reasons, not really because of them. And I don't wanna feel that way, because I'm really gonna miss them so much.

Whatever the real reason is, I hope I'm not a bad person. I like all my friends and I wish they like me back.

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