"I'm coming home I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home. Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday." - J. Cole - I'm Coming Home
It's been over a week since my iPod randomly played that song on the plane back home. I was a bit confused of what home is after all, I had one already back there in Seoul. And now it's been raining a lot here, it doesn't seem to wash away the pain from yesterday.
Ok not really the pain. And I don't want this memory to be washed either. Only I need to sync myself back in to the life I used to have before. I can say I haven't functioned properly here, I still think people need to understand that I just got back from a place far away from here and I need to readjust myself. But then, I saw a lot of people I used to see but didn't really pay attention to, and I realised that I didn't go for long. And even if I did, they just don't care because they might not know and even if they knew, it doesn't matter.
Also while I still think I need more time to adjust, that I still feel foreign though people don't know, I was actually exposed to my 'old stuff' already and I feel really weird. I know I'm used to it, but I feel like I used to be comfortable doing that. My mind flew to my other place easily, for everything seems to make me reminded of whatever everyone has done up there. I was in the middle of listening to a story of a friend, and I was thinking of what happened when I was being the one who was telling the story. I was also listening to another story of another friend, and I was thinking of listening to a similar story another friend up there has told me. And I felt bad later for being so easily distracted, though I wasn't really sorry for not really listening to these people's stories because I still think it was actually their time to listen. But then again, I don't really feel like talking because I know there's no point, they might be interested once but then, they won't know how exactly it makes me feel. Or even worse, I wouldn't really be able to express it well so it will be a very boring story. I don't know, I just feel like I need more time to be alone with my phone, connecting myself to the other place.
It makes me wonder, how long will it take for me to be normal again?