Silence

I woke up feeling cold today, late as always. It was another sunny day but a jacket was what I chose to wear. As dysfunctional as I am every morning, I left home.

Radio is always my friend, except for today. 40 minutes ride in silence, my thoughts sang louder than any songs. Sometimes I wonder if it’s normal, though the meaning of normal often confuses me and most of the time I can only wish for some more normal thoughts, the more humanly ones.

It wasn’t even 8 in the morning yet the streets were full of crowd already. But crowd is another state of mind, an abstract form of definition, differs from one to another. For me it’s when I move my feet headed for any directions but I can’t find enough spot for myself. Just enough, as in secure enough, comfortable enough. Whatever it is, I never like crowded places. I hate them, as much as I hate this crowd in my head.

The silence was too loud when I was finally forced to stop wandering around imaginatively. My schedule was packed for today and the day had just begun. As I stepped in to my destined place, I could feel the sun smiled brightly, as if it tried to tell me Heaven had welcomed another guest already. I buttoned up my jacket instead, it was still too cold for me.

Time flies really slow when there is a race between feelings and thoughts. I’m a sentimental chick, a hopeless romantic, a heartless bitch. All the monstrous adjectives I could ever use to describe someone were directed towards this weak, poor soul. But then again what’s the point of fighting your own presence? Only a concise brusque smile appeared unintentionally, genuinely trying to bring peace to the even mêlée, stagnantly all in silence.

Perhaps the universe notices, it’s raining now. Maybe it’s nature’s way of showing sympathy. Fair enough, after what the sun did this morning. It’s always the balance concept we’re entitled to, isn’t it? Hot and cold, dry and wet, alive and dead. A shout out to a wonderful person, the one that I don’t want to creep out by putting up her name due to whatever reason she might have, for trying to balance up the falling epitome of the pretender. She did quite a good job. As the rain washes away the dryness of this part of the world, guess now it’s my turn to give it a try.

All in all, I enjoyed silence more than any other day today.