A friend sent me that with a reason, and I replied "more like I'm too busy trying to love myself haha". She was surprised, and said that it's beautiful but it's so sad. Even sadder that I put 'haha' after, which I responded to "though it's sad doesn't mean we can't laugh at it".
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I'm not much of a person who can say sweet things right to your face. I can't even imagine myself doing so, must be either I like you very much or it's a very rare occasion. But I love beautiful words, I love the effect it has when people say it (and they mean it). I love beautifully arranged words, maybe a little bit more than just for the aesthetic reason. But I guess people would never know without being surprised.
I talk to people a lot (something to emphasise here), but I'm more comfortable talking through medias like some chatting sites. But that's why I'm transformed to a more open person and a more courageous one, because of this stupid idea I always have in mind that it's safer that way for people can't really see my expressions handling one thing, which is why they have no chance to judge. And through all these medias, I can express myself better too. I can use the beautiful words I love. And guess what, most of them (mostly those who aren't that close to me) are surprised knowing such words can come out from my mouth.
I don't really know what I'm talking about right now, I'm getting more absentminded than I ever was lately. But I wanna say I have a reason why I love making poetry. I love to concentrate in arranging words so they would sound beautiful. It's also fun to hear people's opinion about every poetry I make, because they can guess what story it has and everything while only I know the real meaning behind them.
And it's something that just happened. I was asking a friend's opinion about my poetry, like what impression she can get from that and what story she thinks it's all about. She said it's beautiful and she told me what she thinks of that and it surprised me, her impression is far from what I meant, which is great, poetry deceives too. Also she was surprised that I'm a kind of poetry person, and said that she would stalk my blog. Maybe she thinks I'm proud of it and I'm not shy, but she doesn't know that I've been thinking 3094725 times before I showed her that piece and I did that only because I really needed to know people's opinion about it. I really wanted to know if it can be pretty deceitful, turned out it can.
But sadly, sometimes the words I wrote can turn themselves into blades. I guess we all should agree that something so beautiful can sadden us too sometimes, for too much is never good. Something like, trying to love yourself before loving others who love you and ignoring those who don't. Something like, loving something beautiful and surprise people because you don't seem capable of doing that. Something like, telling beautiful words without making people ask if there's something wrong with me. Something like, nevermind. Just because it's sad doesn't mean we can't laugh at it, does it?
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