I Wrote This For You

"Everyone is a lesson. A story. A unique and wondrous perspective on the chaos that is human existence. The more people you talk to, the more you understand it. But never speak if you have the opportunity to listen. Especially if you want someone to like you. There's nothing you can say that'll endear someone to you as much as really and truly listening to them. You are on day one of a sometimes remarkable, sometimes terrible, sometimes beautiful, strange, and always completely unknown journey. Be ok with this. Worrying about what happens next will ruin the surprise. You will meet strange people along the way, some good, some bad. This is a pattern that will more than likely repeat constantly as you grow up. Some things will be good, some things will be bad. Neither will ever last forever. Nothing will stay the same. Appreciate every moment of happiness and remember it when you despair. Hold them close. And when you are happy, remember the moments of despair and think to yourself, "I told you so." Never let someone else define you. You are your own creation and only you decide how you feel, who you are, and what you want. This can be scary at first but it is liberating to truly and utterly embrace your own identity. People who hate you for not being like them are not worth hating back. Please, let go of hate whenever you can. Accept love whenever it is given and give it out freely. It is the most powerful force on earth." - Iain S. Thomas, from I Wrote This For You

Yeah, I guess it's true you can never be alone for there are 7 billions people in the world.

I was supposed to do an assignment today while I found my notebook I used in Korea and I decided to read it instead (of course). I took Creative English Writing class and I needed to freewrite for 15 minutes every session before we started the class, so it's pretty much like a diary I was forced to write. And I'm glad I did! Now I can always read it every time I feel like being reminded of those moments again. And it tells a lot about my days and my friends and my worries (true, I worried too much), and my plans that I know didn't and won't work in the near future (good to know, I'm not a fan of surprises). Also I was so emo and it's so funny reading what I wrote again.
"Future comes closer each day" - one of the random notes I wrote, wtf.

And I'm in the process of knowing who I am, which is fun, inspiring (for myself to write), confusing, depressing, and a lot of adjectives you could probably name. The impacts are yet to be felt but so far at least I feel like I know my place, I know whom to hold on to, I know whom to love and whom to love back, and the most important thing so far is I know who my real friends are, and those who stay are the ones that matter. Yeah, there's a price for losing but I think it's safe enough to say maturity comes along if we can see it that way somehow. Oh now I sound old.

Also, from reading what everyone wrote for me in that notebook, and from talking a lot to quite a lot of people lately, I'm more certain that sometimes the meanest person to yourself is yourself, and hearing nice things about you that you never expected to listen is somehow very comforting. By very comforting I mean soooo veeerryyy comforting. I'm not sure if I've changed or I've just grown that I don't see 'you don't think I knew that already?' when someone said good things about me as a fun thing to say anymore. It was once my way to respond to a compliment without feeling all obviously awkward, but now I think I was just playing immature all the time. True, people need to be listened and it is the right thing to do when yourself can't even manage to listen to your crap anymore.

But if you ask me now how I feel, I'm gonna say out loud and proud; I'm feeling so damn good, never better.

P.S: I can't get enough of Iain S. Thomas' blog I Write This For You, hence, the title of this post.

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