I'm not a type of shopping girl, err it's just so not me. Him? Well, I asked him to go shopping while I knew there were nothing we could buy. I asked the maid to write a list of things she needed, and it worked. I just wanted to spend time with dad and I was surprised that he said yes. So, sunday night we ended up looking for things with a list from the maid which dad and I could hardly read, and that was totally fun! Not that I could grab anything I want, but... there's something I can't explain here.
I remember years ago at an interview for AFS, I was asked about what I want to be in the future and about people I adore and why. You know I'm not the safest bet on memorising but this time I can clearly remember that I answered I wanted to be an accountant because of dad. I wanted to see the world because of him. I wanted to write a book because of him. I wanted to be everything like him. And as the time goes by I found that we're arguing a lot and I've figured out that accounting is not my thing but there's one thing I know will never change, he is the only person I adore. (I'm kinda regretting my answer in an interview with Monde, I said I didn't have any role model or something and it made the interviewer confused I guess. I am a boring person)
I feel bad about the times I was upset. Damn it's so hard to be a teenager! I didn't talk to him and I was showing no emotions, and how I wish I could change it. I remember the time when he was so angry because I got back home in the middle of the night without telling him where I was going, and he didn't talk to me for a while (now I know where I got that habit, it's in the gene!). And the time that makes me feel like he cares about me is when I found that I couldn't go to USA. I was so upset and I didn't wanna talk to everyone and I was like a zombie, that was the way I tried to accept the disappointing news, not the mature one I know, but he kept trying till the very last, asking everyone he knows, and when it was final, he said, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I've tried, you've tried, and I'm proud of you. You've proven that you're qualified in everywhere. But maybe this is the best for you for now. I'm sorry dear". If only I could tell that the way he called me 'sweetheart' and 'dear' was so touchy I couldn't even get upset anymore. I've never heard him calling me that way before haha.
When suddenly he asked if I've ever watched Ariel's porn videos, I was like 'Whaaat? Nope I haven't and will never watch that.' Inside I was like 'don't worry dad I will always be your little girl lol'. And when he brought me 9 thick books from Aussie while my brother got a basketball and my sisters got fancy things. And when he asked me to translate a book, when we discussed about politics and my brother was like so out of discussion, when he gave the not so funny jokes and everyone couldn't help to not laugh because it was not funny at all, priceless moments.
I write this for myself. A note for me that whenever I feel like he doesn't care, he has and is and will always be around. I'm not the type to say the sweetest things, but I'm sure I don't have to say a thing to make him know that I love him so much. Because it's just beyond the words. I love you dad.