Yes, for that I beg you to forgive

Okay, another emo-ness of mine. Did I talk too much? Did I joke too meanly? Am I a super mean person? Am I too stubborn and ignorant?

I keep saying that I'm awesome. It was meant to be a joke but I know how people react after. And what they don't know is that sometimes I feel like I wanna change that into being quiet and somehow mysterious so people would think that I'm truly awesome, that I don't need to say it loud people would know it themselves. But I just can't. Through all the time I've been so emo, I know it's hard to change people's opinions.

Am I too selfish? Even when I'm writing this down, I keep on thinking that this is not right because it is based on what people think of me, which is not going in a line with what I always say "I don't care about what people think about me". Is that really a prove that I am a very ignorant and selfish bitch?

Some people say I'm funny. I wish it really comes from their deepest hearts, not a lie they say because they are sick of me and what I'm saying and they want me to shut up soon. Assuming they really think I'm funny, it's sad to see that some of them sometimes don't wanna hear my oh-so-standard-so-they-can-predict jokes and say yeah, whatever. I was meant to make a joke, they were joking too. I smiled, but when I reached my emo level, it hurt. Pardon me for sounding so exaggerated.

And again, I think this moment is perfect. Say I'm the most stubborn, selfish, ignorant person on earth. Say I'm the meanest and the worst joker ever. Say I'm the person you wish you never knew of. For that I beg you to forgive.