Tonight is another night I spent for learning. I learned to be grateful, to let go of wanted things but can't really be owned, to see from other people's perspective, to welcome unwanted things, to stop asking and start to accept, to believe that everything happens for a reason.
Through the time I've been struggling with yesterday's dreams, I've successfully convinced myself that it's somehow better to look back, so that I know what to prepare for better tomorrow. I've been lying when I said I'm strong. Whatever people think I am, I'm still young and my sweet mind can't make me believe that I have power to calm myself down. I thought I needed someone to talk to, but now I know I don't. All I need is to explore myself, that I can find what I'm looking for from inside me.
Nothing can harm me without my permission, therefore its only me can harm me. But only fools (or masochists?) would want to harm themselves and because I'm not one, I wouldn't. I have underlined and highlighted the words I've been busy figuring out since the last 3 or 4 months; let go. It was me who make it harder, and it's only me who can make it easier. The new situation can't be blamed, neither can the new ways of thinking and the new faces and styles. It's all coming back to me. I need to let go.
The harder the problems are, the stronger myself could be. The stronger I am, the easier life would be. I'm not saying that I'm strong enough to face reality, but I'm sure that one day I will. Now I promise that I won't ask for something I can't have, I won't complain for somewhere I think I don't belong to, I won't look for someone I can't be with, instead, I will accept everything, everywhere, everyone, because everything happens for a reason. I may not know what it is now, but I'd find out soon. It's just a matter of time. Everything is.
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