My only talent is complaining

I'm feeling super bad. Seriously. I don't know what's happening inside me but I do think that there's something wrong. This is not the first time I have a feeling like this.

I always am curious and this curiosity is killing me. Like I'm not supposed to think about it because I have other things to think about. Shit seriously, I need to learn to be independent. I need to stop trusting people because no one is good enough to be trusted. I need to find something to distract me from this thoughts. I need to remove my wants and start to be realistic. I need to think about the bad things about that thing, that its not good enough for me. I need to stop staring at it, stop expecting something that is absolutely impossible. Because this is impossible. I care too much while this thing doesn't. I'm pretty sure it doesn't even want me to get close to it, because I'm a boring person who unfortunately can easily get bored too. Because I'm not special. I'm not attractive and I can't give any benefits to it. I have no feedback. I suck. I'm stupid and I always am complaining. People hate me. That's why the thing I want doesn't even want to come to me.

I'm a poor lady, living in uncertainty. I hate myself as much as I hate my thoughts and words. I'm one of the worst people you've ever met. I don't cry because I don't feel. And honestly, this stupid writing can be so much longer with my hatreds, if only I didn't realise that all I need is to stop believing, hoping, wishing, and expecting. I have to stand on my own feet because everyone is as busy, as selfish, as stubborn, as cruel, as bad-tempered, and many other ases, as I am.

No comments: