Who doesn't like surprises? I don't.


30 minutes before the deadline, gives no time for complaints and no time for hopes. Never hated alphabets like this before. A for awesome, B for brilliant, C for clever, and what am I? Dumb. I know I didn't do good for this one lesson, but a D had never crossed my mind ever. Was it my time management? Was it my manner? Or was it my luck?

So dad is outside my room. Mum is sleeping, my sister and brother are out of town, and my other sister is in her room. I know they all (or some to be exact) think I'll be just fine. I won't be the brightest but at least I'll be the mediocre survivor. My friends thought I was joking when I told them I didn't pass, and it hurts more. Believe me I wish I was joking too! So now those who've never failed may think I'm not good enough and those who have may think I'm exaggerating. But seriously, I've been through the sleepless nights doing all those mountain of tasks and now it feels like those mountains fall on me. It feels like the lecturer laughs at me and says 'better try next time'. I fail. 6 points less than the minimum standard.

And my plans are screwed. Next year I'll still be here. You say it's not the end of the world but still, it's cold. What should I say to my parents and what should I not? Too much money and time wasted, and energy, and now I can't fucking go to sleep. Alright, thanks for the hugs and all but I think what I really need right now is for you to stop saying 'don't be joking' and stop being sorry. I know someday somehow I'll laugh at this stage of life. I know I will.

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