Just Give Me a Reason - Pink
I don't know why this particular part of the song got stuck in my mind today. I'm not much of a person who thinks reputation is very important. Most of the time I don't care, really. But then again, knowing how ugly I am to certain people in a way deeper than just a physical appearance, I'm a little concerned. It's sad to know I let these certain people see the ugly parts of me, yet they don't give me chance to fix them.
And then I realized, I keep on coming back to that dirty little secret again whenever I can, because probably it's better to feel something than nothing at all. In fact, I was mad because I didn't have enough time to do and think of whatever I want, that includes finding a way out for every possible stupid question that lies in every single corner of my brain, and I was forced to do something I don't like instead. It was just too much pressure for me.
But it's like a cycle. When I'm busy, it upsets me because I don't have time to be alone. When I'm alone I can think of whatever but that scares me for I might do all the stupid things again. Not to mention that I'm almost always alone, more possibilities of thinking of the unnecessary things.
And then I saw this:
"As soon as a person falls in love, they lose 2 to 3 of their closest friends".
I don't wanna fall in love. Being alone too often really is scary.