Vienna waits for you

Have you ever felt so annoyed that you wanna punch someone in the face because everything they say and they do seems so wrong to you and you just can't stand it anymore but because there's nothing you can do you just can sit there faking a smile and acting like nothing happened? I have.

By the way, the more I listen to this song, the more I'm afraid that Billy's actually talking to me. D':

Slow down, you crazy childyou're so ambitious for a juvenileBut then if you're so smart, tell meWhy are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?You'd better cool it off before you burn it outYou've got so much to do andOnly so many hours in a day
But you know that when the truth is told..That you can get what you want or you get oldYou're gonna kick off before you evenGet halfway throughWhen will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you're doing fineYou can't be everything you want to beBefore your timeAlthough it's so romantic on the borderline tonightTonight,...Too bad but it's the life you leadyou're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you needThough you can see when you're wrong, you knowYou can't always see when you're right. you're right
You've got your passion, you've got your pridebut don't you know that only fools are satisfied?Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come trueWhen will you realize, Vienna waits for you?
Slow down, you crazy childand take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhileit's all right, you can afford to lose a day or twoWhen will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?And you know that when the truth is toldthat you can get what you want or you can just get oldYou're gonna kick off before you even get half throughWhy don't you realize,. Vienna waits for youWhen will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

BILLY JOEL - VIENNA LYRICS

Got it? ;)

"Come into my world I've got to show you. Come into my bed I've got to know you. I have dreams of orca whales and owls but I wake up in fear. You will never be my fool. Floaters in my eyes wake up in the hotel room. Cigarettes and lies I am a child, it's too soon. I have dreams of orca whales and owls but I wake up in fear: you will never be my fool.

A little bag of cocaine, a little bag of cocaine, so who's the girl wearing my dress? I figured out her number inside a paper napkin, but I don't know her address. I wait downstairs, the porter smiles to me a smile I've bought. With a couple of gold coins a sign that I've been caught. I have dreams of orca whales and owls but I wake up in fear: you will never be my dear, will never be my dear, dear friend."

Hotel Song by Regina Spektor

What it all comes down to

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy

I'm high but I'm grounded

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working

I care but I'm restless

I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be quite alright

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm hard but I'm friendly, baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing

I'm brave but I'm chicken shit

I'm sick but I'm pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is playing a piano

And what it all comes down to, my dear friends

Is that everything is just fine fine fine

Cause I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

Hand in My Pocket

by Alanis Morrisette

Far Far

Far far, there's this little girl

She was praying for something to happen to her

Everyday she writes words and more words

Just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside

And she's strong when the dreams come because

They take her, cover her, they are all over

The reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?

There's a beautiful mess inside

Far far, there's this little girl

She was praying for something good to happen to her

From time to time there are colours and shapes

Dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands

They invent her a new world with

Oil skies and aquarelle rivers

But don't you run away already

Please don't go.

How can you stay outside?

There's a beautiful mess inside.

Take a deep breathe and dive,

There's a beautiful mess inside.

Far far, there's this little girl

She was praying for something big to happen to her

Every night she hears beautiful strange music

It's everywhere, there's nowhere to hide

But if it fades she begs,

"Oh Lord, don't take it from me. Don't take it"

She says, "I guess I'll have to give it birth"

There's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

Just look at yourself now

Deep inside

Deeper than you ever dared

There's a beautiful mess inside.

Far Far

by Yael Naim

Nobody

I could be A, I could be C. Multiple choice I don't want to be. All the above don't fit in with me. Not with me. If nobody cares and nobody loves that somebody does what nobody does and everyone follows them just because of the buzz, I'm gonna be what I want instead of being what I'm not. Maybe it's not enough, then I want none of it.

What's wrong with being a nobody? That nobody knows and has no buddies. And I should know cause I am one of these, happy to blend and I really am honestly. The whole world is trying to be somebody. Kicking themselves about what could've been. What's wrong with being a nobody? I'm not pretending I am what I'll never be.

I walk in a lake, walk up the wall. I'm no Messiah, I'm nothing at all. Compared to the greatest people I see, I'm just me. Am I making a change? I don't have a clue. Maybe I can, I love what I do. Isn't a science just fitting some words to a tune? I'm gonna be what I want. I'm just playing a part and what my character does is not important. It just is what it is. And I should know cause I am one of these, happy to blend and I really am one of these.

Eliza Doolittle.

Ha ha

"No one laughs at God in a hospital. No one laughs at God in a war. No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing so very poor. No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests. No one's laughing at God when it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from the party yet. No one laughs at God when the airplane starts to uncontrollably shake. No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken. No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door and they say we got some bad news, sir. No one's laughing at God when there's a famine or fire or flood.

No one laughs at God in a hospital, no one laughs at God in a war. No one's laughing at God when they've lost all they've got and they don't know what for. No one laughs at God on the day they realise that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes. No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes.

But God could be funny at a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke, or when the crazies say He hates us and they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke. God could be funny when told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way and when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus. God can be so hilarious ha ha. Ha ha."

Laughing With - Regina Spektor

Landlocked blues

If you walk away, I'll walk away

First tell me which road you will take

I don't want to risk our paths crossing some day

So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over our heads

And it moves with each current event

Until it falls all around like a cold steady rain

Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky

Forcing everything metal to shine

And the sidewalk holds diamonds like the jewellery store case

They argue walk this way, no, walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed

As I'm leaving she wakes up and says

"I dreamed you were carried away on the crest of a wave

Baby don't go away, come here"

And there's kids playing guns in the street

And one's pointing his tree branch at me

So I put my hands up I say "enough is enough,

If you walk away, I'll walk away"

And he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure

From my landlocked blues

It'll pass away like a slow parade

It's leaving but I don't know how soon

And the world's got me dizzy again

You think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin

And it only feels worse when I stay in one place

So I'm always pacing around or walking away

I keep drinking the ink from my pen

And I'm balancing history books up on my head

But it all boils down to one quotable phrase

'If you love something, give it away'

A good woman will pick you apart

A box full of suggestions for your possible heart

But you may be offended and you may be afraid

But don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor

With the noise in the background of a televised war

And in the deafening pleasure I thought I heard someone say

"If we walk away, they'll walk away"

But greed is a bottomless pit

And our freedom's a joke

We're just taking a piss

And the whole world must watch the sad comic display

If you're still free start running away

Cause we're coming for you!

I've grown tired of holding this pose

I feel more like a stranger each time I come home

So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame

Saying "Let me walk away, please"

You'll be free child once you have died

From the shackles of language and measurable time

And then we can trade places, play musical graves

Till then walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn

Putting on my shoes

I just want to make a clean escape

I'm leaving but I don't know where to

I know I'm leaving but I don't know where to

- Landlocked Blues by Bright Eyes

An awesome song!

Oh yes, I'm fine.

Do you think everything, everyone, is going mental?

It seems to me that it's spiralling out of control and it's inevitable.

Now don't you think, this time is yours, this time is mine?

It's temperamental.

It seems to me we're on all fours crawling on our knees,

Someone help us please.

Oh Jesus Christ Almighty,

Do I feel alright? No, not slightly

I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it,

It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage.

It's very funny cos I got your fucking money,

And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit.

Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble,

I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Oh yes, I'm fine.

Everything's just wonderful, I'm having the time of my life.

Don't you want something else?

Something new than what we've got here.

And don't you feel it's all the same?

Some sick game and it's not insincere.

I wish I could change the ways of the world, make it a nice place

Until that day, I guess we stay doing what we do, screwing who we screw

Why can't I sleep at night?

Don't say it's gonna be alright

I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise and not feel bad about it for days and days and days.

In the magazines they talk about weight loss.

If i buy those jeans I can look like Kate Moss.

Oh no, it's not the life I chose,

But I guess that's the way that things go.

Everything's just wonderful - Lily Allen

The italicised and bolded parts are the best parts of this song. Wonder why?

So high

So High

Time is up

I need you to know, that I need you,

Don't you walk away,

I'm feeling so high

From my arms, from my lips to my eyes

In the alley-way feeling peaceful now,

Traffic doesn't even bother me,

It's enough for me,

Living in my dreams,

I just can't be bothered,

Why should I be bothered?

On a sunny day,

Sit and contemplate,

All the things that really matter now,

It hurts to hear that you're doing good,

I just can't be bothered,

Why should I be bothered?

I know the truth

Gotta let you go

Gotta put you out

You've become a foe

...

So High

Don't relate this song to any boy. Pity I just don't have a chance to be there. And I hate myself more than I hate anyone else.

Why from Miss Allen

Why aren't I one of these interesting people

Who's always got something to say,

To not be contrived and to feel so alive,

And to never have wasted a day?

To go for long walks, have well informed talks

In a non-confrontational way?

Why aren't I one of these interesting people,

And why won't you stay?

I'm still having the same conversation,

That I've been having for years.

I just want to read and retain information,

Just face up to my fears.

I look at myself and its so plain to see,

All I need is to change,

Not too much, I still want to be me,

Everyone just looks the same.

Why is my phone full of so many numbers

And why doesn't anyone call?

Maybe they think that I'm always too busy,

Or maybe I have no friends at all?

When I'm watching TV they're all out necking E's

And well obviously I'm Appauled

Lily Allen - Why

This song is fucking hilarious! In every lyric I wrote down here, I always bolded some words if they I think fit in me. And now I feel like bolding it all because oh my God she is effing brilliant.

I forgot to thank You for thing that I never realised was a blessing

You touch these tired eyes of mine

And map my face out line by line

And somehow growing old feels fine

I listen close for I'm not smart

You wrap your thoughts in works of art

And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch

I may not say the words as such

And though I may not look like much

I'm Yours

And though my edges may be rough

And never feel I'm quite enough

It may not seem like very much

But I'm Yours

You healed these scars over time

Embraced my soul, You loved my mind

You're the only angel in my life

The day news came my best friend died

My knees went weak and you saw me cry

Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

...

I'm Yours by The Script

P.S: This song for me is about God. And no, I don't sing as the way I pray.

I've been busy complaining and questioning things that I know will still be there even if I didn't do anything wrong. And I've been busy ignoring the real good things that happened to me.

So yesterday I had this beautiful conversation with my friends, about religion. We didn't take it as a serious matter though, like, we talked casually. I was with my muslim, catholic, and christian (not really) friends. Lol we talked about christianity though, and there were some questions that left unanswered.

I was curious. I googled that right after I got home. The answers I found were too... biblical and formal, it's good but they just simply didn't fit my brain capacity lol. So when I went online on facebook (classy I know) and found that my senior at campus was online too, I asked her. It was so random really. I didn't really know her, neither did she I believe. I only knew her as the senior that took a role on freshmen orientation days, the one that got angry all the time lol. And she answered my questions. I didn't realise that we'd been chatting for hours. It was after midnight and she said something like 'gosh, it's midnight and you're talking about something really serious' and I was like 'I know right, this is so random. If you wanna stop just stop, I've just acted like a freak' and she said it was all okay. Lol, I wonder what she would say to me at the time I meet her at campus, or when I passed by her.

Okay it's not about this senior. It's also not about the things I asked. It's about my relationship with the Almighty Creator. For all this time I've been asking about this and that, commenting cynically at some points, being too ignorant and never had enough commitment to my belief. I know I'm not ready to be the totally good muslim woman yet (someday I will, hopefully). Yet, I'm thankful to grown up like this, in this family, in this country. I'm grateful to have wonderful diverse friends, who can broaden my knowledge about the differences He created. Alhamdulillah.

Give me 10 millions and I'd move my arse to a dorm!!!

If you hate the taste of wine

Why do you drink it 'til you're blind?

And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares

How come you say it like you're right?

Why are you scared to dream of God

When it's salvation that you want?

You see stars that clear have been dead for years

But the idea just lives on

In our wheels that roll around

As we move over the ground

And all day it seems we've been in between the past and future town

We are nowhere, and it's now

We are nowhere, and it's now

In like ten-minute dream in the passengers seat

While the world was flying by

I haven't been gone very long

But it feels like a lifetime

I've been sleeping so strange at night

Side effects they don't advertise

I've been sleeping so strange

With a head full of pesticide

I got no plans and too much time

I feel too restless to unwind

I'm always lost in thought

As I walk a block to my favourite neon sign

Where the waitress looks concerned

But she never says a word

Just turns the jukebox on

And we hum along

And I smile back at her

And my friend comes after work

When the features start to blur

She says there bars are filled with things that kill

By now you probably should have learned

Did you forget that yellow bird?

How could you forget your yellow bird?

She took a small silver wreathe and pinned it onto me

She said this one will bring you love

I don't know if it's true but I keep it for good luck

'We are nowhere, and it's now - Bright Eyes'

---

I've been listening to Bright Eyes, and their songs are simply great. It's like one of very few singers that can deliver the meaning of the songs perfectly.

Anyway, I'm confused. I hate economics, but I'm an economist because I'm facing scarcity now. Shit. I am unable to satisfy all my wants, therefore I have to choose. I'm not telling here, but err come see me in person I'd appreciate that.

I hate my room! It's too messed up but I always don't have the mood to clean it up. Can I just borrow Harry's magic won? And I talked to a friend today and omg I wanna live in a dorm like, so bad! But mum won't ever let me go, I hate Depok. If only I went to Unpad or even.. Unsri? *random. But yea, I've been sleeping over at a friend's house for like so many times and it was great, I mean, I like the freedom. Even Yasmin told me that her mum started to talk about her moving to a dorm. Shit shit shit, I wish I lived in Bekasi or anywhere but Depok :(

I wouldn't mind to be carless, if you mum let me go for this time only. Lol doesn't it sound so dramatic?

The only exception

"When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind. He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it. And my mama swore that she would never let herself forget. And that was the day that I promised, I'd never sing of love if it does not exist. But darling you are the only exception. Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up, leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream. You are the only exception, and I'm on my way to believing."

The Only Exception by Paramore

---

I've heard this song for oh so many times but never really listened to the lyrics, until I was stuck in a rainy day when the traffic was like hell. The radio was on and this song was played, and there was nothing I could do but listen to this song. The rain made it perfect, I didn't really pay attention to the first part of the song though, but this part; 'maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts', really caught me.

Everything never lasts. Forever doesn't exist. This may sound so cynical, whatever you name it, but I don't think loving something or someone so much is good. Well maybe because I haven't met my only exception, but I'm glad that I have not, so I have a reason to rationally (and cynically) give my opinions to those who ask, about what they should do when they are fighting or something bad happens to their relationships.

As for me, relationships never worked. Perhaps I'll never meet the right guy who fits my criteria. Or if the guy does, I get bored easily. And I don't care, I like being single and I'm not mingle, because I know a good-looking stubbly brown-eyed humorous kind-hearted muslim guy isn't easy to find. At least not here. Oh he must speak english with a bit british accent. Now you know my high standard. But behind all that, maybe the problem is on me. I've heard that relationship is not about changing the bad things of the one you love with the things you expect them to have, it's about learning to accept everything that they have. I don't think I can accept everything easily... without putting too much comments or questions on it.

And no, I'm not 'selling' myself here. I'm on my way to believing, that you are my only exception. Only, I haven't found the right 'you'. But I will.

I wish that I believed in wishes

I wish I had one good reason why I should stay
How'd I get myself into this place?
I wish I had qualities like sympathy, fidelity, sobriety, sincerity, humility,
Instead I got lunacy

I wish I could fit myself in my pocket
And tie myself to a rocket
And send myself to outer space
I wish I had a different face

I wish my life was a little less seedy
Why am I always so greedy?
Wish I looked just like Cheryl Tweedy
I know I never will
I wish my life was not so boring
Every weekend four to the flooring
Don't get me started on Monday morning
It would be overkill

I wish I could apologise, be dignified
Wish I could look you in the eye
And tell you that I never lied
I wish that I could stop the cries

Don't wake me up today
Under my duvet is where I wanna stay
Don't wanna come out to play
Doesn't matter what you say anyway

I wish I didn't smoke so many cigarettes
Another programme on antiques on TV set
Wish I had blonde hair
Wish I had green eyes
So many things about myself that I despise

..
Cheryl Tweedy by Lily Allen

Another brilliant song that fits me, by miss Allen. I don't think I need to explain.